O “histeriqueo”, ou a guerra dos sexos na Argentina

Sylvia Colombo

“Pare, meu amor, tenho que te dizer algo. Vou fazer ‘las lolas’ (cirurgia para aumentar o peito).”

O homem disfarça, por dentro está explodindo de emoção, mas faz cara de quem lamenta e responde: “bom, se você quer…”

A nova publicidade da Fiat local parece banal, mas contém a chave para entender o jogo da sedução na Argentina. Talvez seja o país onde a ideia de que a indiferença e a rejeição são os principais motores do sentimento amoroso chega a níveis incalculáveis, quase patológicos. Não é preciso estar aqui há muito tempo para familiarizar-se com o verbo “histeriquear”.

Segundo o Houaiss, “histeria” é uma “doença nervosa que, supostamente, se originava no útero, caracterizada por convulsões”, ou ainda “comportamento caracterizado por excessiva emotividade ou por um terror pânico”. Ainda, segundo a Real Academia Espanhola,  trata-se de uma “doença nervosa, crônica, mais frequente na mulher do que no homem, caracterizada por uma grande variedade de sintomas, principalmente funcionais, e às vezes por ataques convulsivos.”

Pois bem, na Argentina não é nada disso. Uma mulher ou um homem “histéricos” são aqueles que demonstram interesse pelo outro, mas depois pulam fora, muitas vezes só para mostrar que, no fundo, estão interessadíssimos. Depois. Bem depois. Os processos podem ser longuíssimos, alguns nunca acabam e atravessam casamentos de vida inteira. A esse intrigante fenômeno, de muitas idas e vindas, se dá o nome de “histeriqueo”, que aqui virou verbo e é usado cotidianamente.

Nos últimos tempos, andei perguntando sobre o “histeriqueo” a alguns conhecidos. Um vendedor de jornais da minha rua conta que “perseguiu” sua atual mulher com cartas, convites e mensagens por quase dois anos. “Puxa. E não se cansou?”. “Nada, fui ficando cada vez mais apaixonado. Nunca sofri tanto na vida”, diz, com certo orgulho. Quando ela enfim aceitou sair com ele, pensou que deveria “valorizar”, e não só disse “não” como desapareceu do mapa e não cogitava voltar. Só nove meses depois, quando se reencontraram por acidente na rua, tomaram um café e começaram a sair.

Também um amigo brasileiro, por aqui temporariamente, quase enlouqueceu com uma argentina que aceitava todos os seus convites. Iam ao cinema, jantavam, até uma pequena viagem à província fizeram. Mas, na hora do sexo, ela sempre pulava fora. A rejeição constante, no caso dele, o enraiveceu. “Se eu fosse um argentino, talvez me apaixonasse”, resume.

Pergunto a um psicanalista se ele acha que esse comportamento não reflete uma sofisticação nos costumes que, de repente, nós, brasileiros, não temos. “É uma forma simpática de ver o tema. Talvez seja verdade. Tem a ver com o modo dramático e complicado com que nós vemos a vida. Nada é simples e fácil para os argentinos. Tudo é sofrido e complexo. Um processo de conquista não seria diferente.”

Mas, como saber qual é a hora da sinceridade? Ou nunca se diz a verdade? O escritor Martín Kohan tentou me explicar isso outro dia, de forma didática. “É preciso atravessar algumas etapas. Depois do ‘sim’-que-quer-dizer-‘não’ vem o ‘sim’-que-quer-dizer-‘não’-mas-que-na-verdade-é-‘sim’…” Só que ele mesmo alerta que, dependendo do casal, a mesma operação pode ser duplicada infinitamente.

Sendo assim, concluo que o casal da publicidade está na fase 1 da relação. Ou não é nada disso e deixo a solução do enigma para a próxima visita a Buenos Aires do querido blogueiro dos corações e rei do portunhol Xico Sá.

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